it wasn't lemon gatorade
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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