i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize