I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
