I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
