I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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