Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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