Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
