if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
