Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
