This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im part way to drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
