What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
