I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
