they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
