i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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