So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
