Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
