I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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