I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
