i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
