Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
