ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize