Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
ttyl tear gas
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
