Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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