I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
