she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
