Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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