good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
