On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
