the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
