Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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