okay pat passed out under dana's car
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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