How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
