i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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