Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
