Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
