these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
