O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
