WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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