but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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