Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
