fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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