then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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