can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
