I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
