3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
