If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
