Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
