Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
