I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
