What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize