end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
