i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
