U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
