Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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