I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
