i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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