I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
