I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
