you guys were way drunker than both of me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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