I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
