david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
