lets start a swedish sibling band together
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
