What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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