You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
